SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
