Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
