i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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