when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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