dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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