I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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