So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
