Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
