Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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