she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
