I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
