You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My pussy is not your playground.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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