Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
