Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
