I heard we made out
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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