You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
