Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
