i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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