She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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