you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
