girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize