Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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