Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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