Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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