Got a toothbrush?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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