i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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