another moral hangover. fuck.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
