i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
