Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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