Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
