forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
