how can u be prego again
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
