I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
