I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
