I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
