I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
