yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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