We're facebook friends in real life
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
