just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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