awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Say something about gay babies.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
