I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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