I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
