i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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