just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
