Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
