He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
