drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
