I am puke
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
