Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
