I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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