Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
