I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
