ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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