Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm both gender and math confused
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
