I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
