dude i'm inner monologue high
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
