I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize