Just cropdusted the office
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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