meet me or not, i'm out of control
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
