The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
