Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
