i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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