How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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