I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
