She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
