Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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