He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize