You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
