is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
