Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize