Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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