Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize