So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
