Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
