i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize