As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
